Theatre Review: Altar Boyz

I've decided to start writing reviews of shows that I see. Mainly because I just see SO MANY FREAKING SHOWS, but also because I (a) love the theatre and (b) need to work on my journalistic skills. So, I'm starting with the most recent show I saw: Altar Boyz. Enjoy!

ALTAR BOYZ

Done by Seattle Musical Theatre at Magnuson Park

Book: Kevin Del Aguila

Music and Lyrics: Gary Adler and Michael Patrick Weller

Director and Choreographer: Troy Wageman

Music Director: Kimberly Dare

CAST

Matthew~Mark Tyler Miller

Mark~CJ Conrad

Luke~Eric Hagreen

Juan~Bo Mellinger

Abraham~Jeff Orton

Altar Boyz is arguably the strangest musical I've ever seen. Actually, I take that back, I did see The Wiz. Ugh, not a memory I want to relive. Middle school cast plus a mediocre, dated show? Bad combination. But I digress. Altar Boyz isn't... BROADWAY like some other shows are. Set up as the last night of their "Raise the Praise" tour, it's a boy bad rock concert. Think One Direction, 'N Sync, the Jonas Brothers--that sort of deal. With five members spreading the gospel (Matthew, the "leader", Mark, the gay one [okay, it's not actually ever said outright that he's gay, but he IS. He's basically falling all over Matthew the entire time it's definitely made flamingly apparent], Luke, the ex-drunk one who drives the tour bus, Juan, the Latin one, and Abraham, the Jewish one), it's incredibly cast dependent. You need five, TIGHT guys who can pull off the whole 90s boy band vibe. And that's where this production of Altar Boyz was lacking. But wait, let's look at the positives before going to the negatives.

It's a great show. The idea sounds weird. And yes, it is VERY weird. But it works. It manages to tell a story without TELLING A STORY in the way that Into the Woods or Xanadu does. The dialogue is full-on laugh-inducing, something not easily achievable, and I spent a lot of the time with my friend leaning on my shoulder and just crying with giggles. It's the perfect mix of satire with the obliviousness of the characters on stage with just the right touch of sappy sweetness at the end with I Believe without becoming preachy (well, the entire show is preaching, but that's the point--they're a Christian rock group trying to "save souls"... you know what I mean by preachy). I can tell why my dad saw it multiple times off-Broadway; something he rarely does or want to do. The music really IS boy band music, from the "get-up-and-dance-song" (Rhythm in Me) to the "girl-you-got-it-goin'-on song" (Something About You). There's dancing, excessive vocal runs, prancing about the stage, everything you could possibly want at a rock concert. Except it's all Christianity-centric. Being a non-Christian myself, I found it hilarious. I think it would be even funnier for a Christian, providing that they're not offended by it. Overall, I loved it, even if some things WERE lacking.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE NEGATIVES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

As I stated earlier, the show is incredibly cast-dependent, making it a great Broadway musical but a tough community theatre production. To make things simpler, I'll go down the line with the characters, and then I'll talk about the whole show in general.

Matthew: Mark Tyler Miller was absolutely amazing. He was really a different level from the other boys, as good as they were. He has this lovely, standard voice that I can tell is suited for anything from pop music (as is the case in Altar Boyz) to generic musical theatre repertoire (as was the case when he understudied for multiple roles for The Village Theater's production of Fiddler on the Roof). He played up the "good Christian" just enough that it was noticeably satirical but not so much that it was annoying. And he's also got that boy band "oooooh smolder" look to him. That didn't hurt.

Mark: How can you not love Mark? The minute CJ Conrad walked onto the stage my gaydar just exploded. From the tight purple pants to the voice to the very subtlest of movements, he CAMPED IT UP. And it was a good kind of camp. The kind of camp that just makes you smile every time he hits the stage with his fabulosity. He may have replaced Elder McKinley (The Book of Mormon) in my mind as the reigning champion of fabulous musical theatre characters. In fact, one of my favorite moments in musical theatre is from Mark. Very near to the end of the show, the Altar Boyz are lamenting over the sins they've exemplified, and CJ Conrad perfectly delivered Mark's "Lust," with his eyes running over Matthew. It was such a quick moment in between a slurry of other dialogue that it could've been lost, but it was just so precisely timed that it made my night. My only problem was that his voice wasn't particularly suited to the role. He was very good, but he wasn't BOY BAND, he was BROADWAY, and in that way it made the show suffer a little bit. He needed to be able to deliver the overbearing vocal runs and riffs that we all know so well from year upon drawn-out year of American Idol, and he couldn't. But his acting and the endearing character made it up at least somewhat.

Luke: I so wish he had enunciated a little bit more. It might've been the sound system, which wasn't exactly top notch, but I could barely understand the majority of his rap in The Miracle Song. He was definitely good, albeit he looked so much like Bill Hader it was hard to take him seriously, and I'm sad that I missed him as Moritz Stiefel in Spring Awakening (not only that, but I MISSED SPRING AWAKENING). And even though his character wasn't quite as appealing to me as the others, he made it work well, and his singing voice was pleasant to listen to (though his mic should've been turned up higher, but that's not his problem). Overall, a good review for Eric Hagreen.

Juan: I would like to personally congratulate Bo Mellinger on his consistent Spanish accent. That's hard, man. It's difficult to keep up and accent while talking, especially for a prolonged period of time, but while singing? Forget about it. Again, as with Eric Hagreen, I wish his microphone was turned up louder, because with the accent and the sound system and the music behind him it was hard to understand him while singing. That said, he did a wonderful job of enunciating while speaking. His monologue about "coveting they neighbors ass" was hilarious and well delivered, and he flaunted the Latin American thing enough for it to be slightly offensive but still relatively benign. One of my major problems with the production was a Juan-centric scene, but I'll wait until later in this review to touch on that.

Abraham: The idea of a Jewish member in a Christian boy band is funny by itself. From the moment the production opened with We are the Altar Boyz, in which they introduce each member of the band, ending with, "Abraham... he's Jewish!" I knew that I would enjoy this show. Jeff Orton's voice was, out of the five boys, probably the most "rock and roll", which was most definitely a good thing. I guess I don't really have much to say about him. He was absolutely fine and did a wonderful job.

Now onto the overall production. In general, it was fine. It was sweet, funny, everything a community theatre production should be. Unfortunately, it was a bit lagging. The point of Altar Boyz is that it's their last show of their "Raise the Praise" tour, and they should be as tight as hell by now. Although the band was acceptably tight, things weren't moving as fast as they should have. There were periods of lag time, most notably in the scene prior to La Vida Eternal, there was a lot of... nothingness where there should have been something. In addition to that, Juan's breakdown was carried on a bit too long for my taste--it was funny at first but then it just got annoying. Earlier today, I watched some clips of the original cast (or one of the original casts) doing We are the Altar Boyz, and it was a noticeable difference from the production we saw last night. It was so fast; BOOM BOOM BOOM in every little delivery, while last night took its time and meandered. There was too much dead time.

Overall, I really enjoyed the show. It may not have been the greatest production ever, but it was fun and I'm so glad that I got to see it. Until next time, this is Emma, signing off and wishing YOU a de-lovely evening.

(Get it? De-lovely? Like in Anything Goes? No? Okay.)